Roadsign Unheeded

caution-sign-uk-telecom1“If I’m not back by Sunday night, I’m not staying in school.”

“Oh, dolly,” I exclaimed and hugged her, “I love you and I’ll pray that that’s not necessary. You need to be here!”

She looked at me and smiled with an expression filled with courtesy and devoid of emotion. After two and a half years of working with and investing in this girl, I could tell that she’d already checked out. And today, as she pulled out, I fell on my couch in tears. She never said goodbye.

My heart feels like it is being ripped in pieces. I have loved, invested in, tried to warn, and grown concerned over her cooling friendship and unwise choices over the past several months. As a friend put it, “I feel like a road sign going unheeded.” I can warn her that there is a cliff ahead, but when she chooses to drive past my precaution, I am ultimately helpless to save and protect her. I feel trapped. I see what’s ahead and I know what she could have in Christ. Did I do enough?

So, what lessons have I been learning through this?

  • The reality of my rejection of the cross-my selfishness is actually an active spite to the sacrifice God made in rejecting His son. WHY can’t I just live in the sweetness of it’s power?
  • The bitterness of a prodigal child-I feel just like a parent. I worry about her, wondering if she made it home safely, wondering if she’ll call, if she’s eating okay, if she’s making wise choices with boys, etc. I want to call but I know she’d reject my concern, so I pray.
  • The power of prayer-I may never see her change, but my God answers prayer. My God is the God who provided for Abraham on Mount Moriah and Hagar in the wilderness. He is my El Roi who sees and my Yahweh Jireh who provides. I stand confidently on that.
  • Love hurts-when you taste the sweetness of a communicative walk with God, you yearn for those you love to have it. And when they reject their power source, you hurt tremendously for them.

Because of lessons I’ve learned earlier this year, I am resting in the love of God’s plan, especially evident in Romans 8. I care, but I don’t worry. God’s beautiful name will be glorified. She’s His daughter. My love for her is infinitesimal compared to the infinite love God has for her. I rest in the power of the One who defeated death itself on her behalf an eagerly anticipate the revelation of that power in her life!

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