Fixations and Fancies

img_68571. The first thing I notice about the atmosphere of a store/restaurant/home is the music. If there is music playing, I’ve usually identified it before I’ve even identified the price range of the restaurant. While in a restaurant, I try to simultaneously listen to conversation and listen to the Muzak. This habit usually gets me into trouble…

2. I really dislike driving, but if I have to drive, I want to drive fast. Too fast. I figure that if I have to do something I dislike, I may as well get an adrenaline rush out of it…bad, I know, but honest.

3. When watching a news anchor, I first, and subconsciously, observe  her hair and makeup. If her eyebrows are over-shaped, I get distracted with trying to reconstruct the over-processed facial frames in my mind.

4. I want to respond to stress or trauma with any of the following (in no particular order):

  • Eat chocolate and plain potato chips
  • Shop
  • Sleep
  • Journal and read Psalms
  • Run/lift weights

Usually any of the above can be coupled with crying. I know, I’m a total girl!

5. I tend to think and write in ordered lists. When rationalizing a course of action or thought-process, I quickly create and verbalize a mental outline…and sometimes I confuse my points with my subpoints (“1….B…”)

6. When I don’t spend time with the Lord, I desperately scramble for a vice that satisfies-something that makes me feel good about myself. That includes the ugly likes of gossip, or indulgence.

As I realize these as inherent elements of the God-created, sin-tainted Daisy, I also realize that Titus 3:3-7 says:

For we also once were foolish ourselves, disobedient, deceived, enslaved to various lusts and pleasures, spending our life in malice and envy, hateful, hating one another. But when the kindness of God our Savior and his love for mankind appeared, He saved us, not on the basis of deeds which we have done in righteousness, but according to His mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewing by the Holy Spirit, whom He poured out upon us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that being justified by His grace we would be made heirs according to the hope of eternal life.

So, as I see my neuroses and sin tendencies, I revel in the fact that they do not define my life. God’s grace has given me new freedom and identity.

I am what I fancy. I live what I fixate on.

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