Clinging to the Rock

PeetersBonaventuraShipInStormySeaGreenwichNMMwThis week has ran past me at full speed and I’m still reeling, trying to get everything done. Sometimes shouldering someone else’s burdens takes a toll on my own heart and I don’t know it until I cry at something very mundane. Then I know that my heart needs a little time away with my Savior. That was last night.

This week has been full of opportunities-ones I would never trade for anything, but required sacrifice on my part. Unusual medical situations came up that I had to help provide for, girls with burdens who I could listen to and walk with toward hope, or just needs for quiet places to do homework. The girl coming in in tears because she just needed to talk with her boyfriend and hadn’t been able to. The girl wanting a backrub or a bubblebath. The late-night planning meetings for society. The girl wanting to bake cookies in my kitchen, grab ice from my freezer, store food in my fridge, borrow a cup, go to the bathroom in my bathroom because theirs is closed for cleaning. And on top of that, my normal one on one meetings with my leadership team, dean’s staff, etc.

My bedroom became a solace for girls needing the quiet place to study, talk on the phone, or just chill out. My couch became a bed for myself or others as needs arose and sacrifices were made. The Lord showed me how to die to myself a number of times, and for that, I’m really grateful! Yeah, I could have done more. But I’m doing more now than I did last year at this time and that’s what keeps me going-seeing change in myself as well as the girls I minister with.

Last night was probably the breaking point. I have been feeling “blah” all week-very tired, achy, stomach stuff, etc. I really wanted to go to sleep, but was on-call. I really wanted to stay awake to hang out with my girls, but kept falling asleep. Finally, I closed my bedroom door, checked my email one last time, and went to bed. There it was. The last straw. I’d just gotten an email from someone arguing a decision I’d made. I understood where she was coming from, but her unkind words really shot arrows at my heart when I normally would have shrugged them off. I knew I was being overly sensitive, but the tears came nonetheless. And sob I did.

The sleep helped. I have to plan a children’s program for tonight, and children’s church for two services tomorrow without any helpers. I need to be in the dorm and available for the girls I love so much. But above all, I need to trust the Lord for His provision. I don’t have strength-I need His. This song has been my mainstay this week:

Stil, My Soul, Be Still

Still my soul be still
And do not fear
Though winds of change may rage tomorrow
God is at your side
No longer dread
The fires of unexpected sorrow

God You are my God
And I will trust in You and not be shaken
Lord of peace renew
A steadfast spirit within me
To rest in You alone

Still my soul be still
Do not be moved
By lesser lights and fleeting shadows
Hold onto His ways
With shield of faith
Against temptations flaming arrows

Still my soul be still
Do not forsake
The Truth you learned in the beginning
Wait upon the Lord
And hope will rise
As stars appear when day is dimming

Words and Music by Keith & Kristyn Getty & Stuart Townend

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Jules
    Oct 25, 2009 @ 20:46:18

    i love you and i wish i could be there for you, friend. thinking of you… xo

    Reply

  2. Daisy
    Oct 27, 2009 @ 14:02:34

    Ah, Jules 🙂 I would love to have a coffee date with you! Chocolate, coffee, and skype! I need to set up an account, I think.

    Reply

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